Confession of a wayward heart

The stillness of the air is pierced.
Wailing of a heart chasing lovers less promising.
Echos of the past, cling dear only to distract.
Where is the purpose of the heart?
How easy it is to forget the basics of how we start off.

Return me to where I should be.
In simplicity, in love, in mercy, in grace, in discipline, in Christ.

Help me to be a child once again to learning about your people that you passionately love and care for.

Mercy Justice

        As life goes on I grow in love. I grow in love with a God that seeks to allow me to live a life full of joy and understanding. Christ allows me to celebrate in the good times and the bad. There is not a beat down or wippin’ but acts of mercy and grace from God. He passionately desires to interact and love us in the midst of the terrible things that we do. This should move us to repentance, but we often have hardened hearts formed by culture to be selfish and taught continually receive rather than give. This selfish notion feeds our fallen state of being pushing us toward more resentment and broken relationships; building hopelessness and depression in our minds. We fill voids in our lives with thoughts and things that will not last.
        
        We have established a current culture that often fills void with immediacy, and consumerism. It seems as though the culture is starting to realize the consequences of our “get it now” and “have it your way” state. We have not built up disciplined minds to say no and seriously evaluate the consequences to our tiniest actions. Do I bask in the shower too long? Must I eat food when my stomach doesn’t tell me its hungry? Am I willing to do something for someone that doesn’t directly benefit me? Am I willing to do things that may hurt for for the possibility of growth?
        
        All of our shortcomings separate us from right relationship with God, and right relationships with people. In light of each and everyone of us having problematic relationships we are all on a level playing field regardless or race, class, and gender. This is what demands, and sets the standard justice. Today I was reading some of Exodus, and the account of the Israelite’s fleeing egypt to a hand full of chapters past the 10 commandments. In thinking of how the text flows, there is such a great sense of community. Much of the text after the 10 commandments is all about how one should interact or behave in certain circumstances. All of these DOs and some DO NOTs reflect a greater sense of caring for one another and the community as a whole rather than self. What makes this greater is that the sense of community does not stop within the confines of Israelites, or just within Christendom. We are to love all and care for all even when it is not easy. We are to develop and seek the things we desire for our kids for the poor and the oppressed. We cannot want something for ourselves, and not desire it for the community.

Or can we? Is that just? is it equal?

Simply Human

Each day I live I learn more about myself, my flaws both good and bad. It’s the end of a semester and it is finals time, and a transition into the summer. I am taken back by my conversations with friends of things that are happening shortly after school is over. There is a lot happening in a short while in my life and in the lives of many of my friends and colleagues.

I am oddly aware of a tension, and anxiety that is rising within me to finish school well. However, this thought is hard for me to accomplish at the moment just because there are many other things that I would like to be doing or planning. It is almost as if I have to put everything on hold so that I can get my brain to concentrate on the things I need to focus on with school.

It’s really hard when I just want to be able to take a couple of days and hang out with the kids in the neighborhood, or hang out with a neighbor and let them use my computer to fill out an employment application online. I will get to do this soon, my finals have deadlines hopefully I won’t fail anything.

It’s hard to not feel like a failure when my grades aren’t the best thing in the world. I guess I’m just not an academic research type of student. I’ll be a black sheep.

Response to 3 killings in the neighborhood

http://www.nola.com/news/index.ssf/2009/04/two_men_shot_this_afternoon_ne.html

Do we really care? I love, actually I get pretty disgusted by the "Yes We Care" because we only really care to the point at which it begins to infringe on our personal lives.

Pastor Keen - "6 months of peace" That is the most ridiculous statement to reflect Central City. I know that in February during Mardi-Gras season a corner store owners brother was shot and killed.

http://www.wwltv.com/topstories/stories/wwl021509cbshooting.1cb411eb.html

The people that lead many of these Rallies/Marches are ineffective and are wasting time and money. They are trying to put band-aids on problems that need surgery and suchers. These "leaders" also are very disconnected from the true community, and problems within the neighborhood.

The city is plastered with Ghandi's statement of "Be the change you wish to seek." But we barely take any steps toward that. If we seek to "be change" we cannot live in places in which we are not seen. The community needs to learn how to take care of one another, and how to love one another. That is hardly represented at night time where it is needed the most. We do not place lights under a basket! If we truly want to see illumination to Central City, you have to be a light within it, not in a nice suburb or outside the city. So non-profits, and other leaders please come to learn your neighborhood in a different way.

I am a proud resident and homeowner in between the 2 blocks where everything throws down. I have lovely neighbors that watch out for me and my house. We enjoy sharing meals, and discussing our frustrations. I love to learn their needs, and love to think creatively on how to fill in the gaps to them receiving the hand-up that they need and not just a hand-out. I don't like the crime, drugs, and blatant disrespect. If a place like this can foster it gives me hope to help 3rd and 4th world countries with similar problems but no resources.

We need to quit being so selfish over our selves and give up some comfort so that others can live.



This was another response to another user

They do not know how to take advantage of opportunity. There are many people and non-profits that try to help out and offer assistance out here all the time.

The problem is trust, and relationships. And the fact that they have to be "grown" or often responsible like adults by the time they are 12-14. Would you trust anyone when you grown up in a very broken home in which your momma, would take your last $5.

These kids and adults have grown up and lived in odd unorthodox environments where there is inconsistency all over the place. This compounds their trust issues. If one has trust issues, and larger life problems they have no clue how to take advantage of opportunity, and they often don't have some one to coach them.

This type of person also does not often carry the confidence, and self esteem because they have been told that they are "bad" for much of their lives.

The problem of excessive drinking and smoking is also a larger problem here. As long as Alcohol is abused in the city at the scale that it is the problems in the hood will probably continue to stay. The Alcohol culture socially promotes, and creates social peer pressure and encouragement. Many of these families are broken because they cannot kick an addiction, in order to pay their bills and take care of their family.

Many of the drug dealers in the hood are also almost forced to sell. Think about it. If you are a business owner would you hire someone that was a convicted felon? Someone that needs mentorship and is inconsistent? NO! What do you do if you cannot land jobs and have no community support from within?
Mexicans, Vietnamese, are a lot tighter knit to each other and have a totally different sense of community and corporate responsibility. Hood life is different, and a culture that many have no clue about.

For anyone that is native this is the Big Easy... So the culture here is all about doing as little for the most gain. There is not an idealism of purely enjoying work, toil, and knowledge in and of its self. For Mexicans,Vietnamese, Arabs, their culture and mentality is in a very different mindset.

Hood culture-
It is sad that there is a misconception of what it is to be a Man in the hood. For most, it is being "Hard." Tough, nothing effects you, a girl doesnt mean anything, if someone disrespects you set them straight, if someone seems smarter or is competition you take them out because they are a threat to how you are viewed as being on "Top." I work with at risk youth in Job Training for Environmental Science. I push their brains really hard often. I get cussed at and get threats, only because i challenge them and push them to work hard. The saddest part of the whole thing is that many dont have the confidence, and are too afraid to make mistakes. It is hard for them to be different, make mistakes, and just try. The non-profit and kind hearted people often dont allow them room to make mistakes either.

We as caring people want to give, but that is the wrong approach. We have to learn how to receive. We must begin to learn how to restore dignity by allowing and creating empowerment and opportunities for them to give. This is not an easy thing, and is no band aid. It is also not something that can be started from the outside, it must start from inside the community. So if you want to help solve the problem don't just give, figure out how you can receive

No more Band-aids or just talking about justice

After being exposed to ways that Christians are beginning to address deep issues of humanity, I chase after learning and grasping better ideas and stories of how people have helped solve simple basic deep issues that are only known by people that understand their local context.

When I say local context, I am usually discussing within a extremely small vicinity of a half mile, or mile radius. Sometimes even within a quarter mile.

I just read about a story of mountain folks in Rich Christians In an Age of Hunger, by, Ronald Sider. The story is about a small village at the base of a mountain that has winding, slippery roads with hairpin turns without guard rails. Instead of the government, or outsiders intervening, a group of Christians in the village pulled together to run an ambulance service that would rush to the injured and take them to the hospital. This service was also purely voluntarily run. I thought this was an amazing notion of an innovative way for the church to meet the needs of humanity! I am sure this took a lot of hard work, and people gave to an extent to which it hurt.

Which, this was a great act of service, but there is more to be done. There is more to the story. One day a visitor questioned why they haven’t put in a tunnel, or close the road. One possible reason why they didn’t do either because the road had been there a long time, and that the mayor would not approve. He wouldn’t want to approve because he owned a restaurant, and service station halfway up the mountain. The Christians of the Volunteer Ambulance service were shocked, and probably didn’t think twice about forsaking the restaurant and service station for the sake of others.

We often want to be ignorant of societal structures that we subtly benefit from. In the case of the Volunteer Ambulance folks they probably didn’t think twice about it being a problem because it has been apart of their lives for so long that it was accepted and ok. They were not awakened to the injustice of the situation, they subtly bought into the lie. It often takes outsiders to see issues, but it is from within that can make the change possible. If the road had changed since that time, then this would be a great case of not just teaching a man how to fish, but teaching him how to restock the pond.

Lets think a little bit harder, and be ok with tough questions and persecution!

Property and Wealth is not evil! Starving is!

In an age of materialism, and a fairly dominant but fading North American culture I often have forgotten or misunderstood why the abundance of Property and Wealth disturbs me.

God has made all things good, so there’s nothing wrong with prosperity, wealth and materials correct? Correct.

I feel like my internal struggle has been to reduce for the sake of simplicity, less possessions to worry about, more money to send out. This was my biblical theological grasp of why I should have less. This doesn’t apply very easily. I am working on another house, that is mine, I have use of 3 means of transportation, could this really be my belief? It isn’t really and it has been great to put together the words and ideology to convey what and why my heart believes.

My real motivation that I have picked up not from within Christendom is that I must do all possible to figure out how to spread my wealth/possessions to other people. Christ has called us to love Him, and to Love others. I think it is easy for us to view food, clothes, and property as evil things. This is the way most probably think, when talking about possessions, and get really defensive. It is not that things are evil, but it is because people are starving. Some of us have no clue what that really looks like, and have no idea how fortunate we are to even have the opportunity of welfare from our government. In the Old Testament biblical culture is all about community and caring for one another, it is very much of the same way in the New Testament. OT examples, Jubilee, Sabbatical Year. NT examples collection of money to spread to other churches that are hurting (Gal 2:10) (Rom.15:22-28). So if you have been blessed, do not give up on finding ways to give back, even in the littlest ways. We have been called to share the wealth, that many of us can easily attain in America.

Americans consume most of the worlds natural resources, how selfish is that? Do we really attempt to share, give, or spread out our wealth so that others may get to enjoy even some of the simplest things in life such as adequate nutritional diets of protein and carbohydrates. Are we willing to share just so that little kids can have brains and bodies that can actually develop into well thinking adults? When kids are between 0-2 many are malnourished and are not able to have good brain development because their nutritional needs are not met. By not sharing we are somewhat purposely creating adults that will not be able to function at their fullest potential. We need band-aids and doctors to figure out what’s wrong not ignorance.

If you have always visited nice places for vacations, please go visit some slums. Whether stateside or overseas. There probably are some just on the other side of town. Then think of what its like when there are no resources, or strong buildings.

Support Worldvision

Tears washed her dark, sunken eye sockets as she spoke: “ i feel so sad when my children cry at night because they have no food. I know my life will never change. What can I do to solve my problems? I am so worried about the future of my children. I want them to goto school but how can we afford it? I am sick most of the time, but I can;t got to the doctor because each visit costs two pesos [28 cents] and medicine is extra. What else can I do?” She broke down into quiet sobbing.
~ Stan Mooneyham (Mooneyham, Hungry World, pp. 38-39)

The father makes 70 cents on a good day as an ICE vendor, She will stay up all night to make coconut candy to sell, which will make her 40 cents for her toil.

1977 still relevant today

From Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, by Ronald Sider.

“ In an Age of Hunger most Christians (regardless of theological labels) will be severely tempted to succumb to the liberal heresy of the following current cultural and societal values rather than biblical truth. Society will offer demonically convincing justification for enjoying our affluence and forgetting about a billion hungry neighbors.
        But if the Christ of Scripture is our Lord, then we will refuse to be squeezed into the mold of our affluent, sinful culture. In an Age of Hunger Christians of necessity must be radical nonconformists. But nonconformity is painful. Only if we are thoroughly grounded in the scriptural view of possessions, wealth and poverty will we be capable of living an obedient lifestyle. ”

Tent maker or Failure

The past few weeks have been tough for me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I the tensions within my heart are hard to put words to. I believe I am most likely suffering from relief fatigue as well as being in an emergency mindset.

These are just not good conditions to be going through school with, nor wanting to interact with anyone. My stress level is pretty high, and my heart feels pretty deep in pain and conflict between finances, work, study, ministry.

I am just pretty broken at the moment and wonder why the heck God has called me to be the hands and feet, and to have the dream and vision that I have. Right now I am just frustrated at my inability to create stability for my life, and wonder how the Apostles dealt with their lives. I have a fair degree of entrepreneurship but find it still ridiculously hard to balance this work, ministry, time problem. It still boggles me a bit when I think of Paul and how he supported himself in proclaiming the gospel of Christ.

        “Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ.” 1 Cor 9:12

Paul makes this statement in part of the defense of his ministry. I think it’s quite beautiful and hopeful, yet probably filled with a lot of pain an agony within. The mention of a “right” in this is referring to Paul stating that it is ok for the Apostles and teachers to reap material things. I can almost feel frustration in having to defend himself and his ministry. I wonder what Paul’s life was like leading up to himself doing ministry, and what business was like for him to be able to continue in ministry and work. The latter part of this verse makes me want to scream, and shake people. I have not often been one to see a need or a vision that Christ has given me and waited on someone or something else as a prerequisite to going and doing. I have pretty much tried to work my tail off in order to proclaim the Gospel, and I don’t want to be a burden to the church as a whole. If I don’t create my own secular means of income, that means someone else could be put in more of a hurting position. I do not want to become a burden to someone else, and I could see that toil and labor was an obstacle that Paul was willing to endure.

"With toil and labor, we worked night and day that we might not burden any of you, and to give you an example to follow" (2 Thess. 3:8)

It has been interesting, how easily the American Christianity mindset can consume my brain. I believe in lies that I am almost entitled to, or should be receiving support in order to do ministry. I have also fallen to the lie in belief that for me to be successful I should be supported by other churches. The part of this that has the ugly head is that I can get easily jealous of people/places that receive, or have abundance of resources. What makes me jealous it that there are often many entities that receive funding, that mostly just goes straight into paying salaries.

Either way I am glad to have rediscovered the ministry of Paul, and it is possible that I can endure through this. I guess God wants me to also operate much like Paul and expose such issues like this within the church.

What makes Tent Making hard in America. In my local neighborhood context, no one trusts anyone. Especially if they are new, and if they are obviously going to be transient. New Orleans has become a giant transient and non committal city. This is probably typical in places post natural disasters, and probably in many 3rd world areas. This culture is created by people only coming to a place and only thinking of being there for a year or two. Thats just enough time for the newbies to build relationships, and get to know people and then rip them apart by leaving. Yes we supposedly live in a time where there is technology to help with connectedness, but that is purely from a American Dream mindset. Phone calls, e-mails, myspace, facebook messages are nothing like real interaction, nor consistent interaction. In Urban America, and from being within the school systems i have seen many kids move and get uprooted, and I know that there are some that many move to a different house once a year. This idea is also well represented in Apartment life and culture, how often do you move if you are an apartment dweller? Each time there is a move it results in more broken relationships. When this is combined with bad family life that could be falling apart, trust within oneself toward others is severely broken. There’s not much Trust even within the family.

If you can image the gap of trust that needs to be bridged here, it is humongous. You have to prove that you are there, and there to stay. This is terrible for us twenty-somethings because this means that you must find your home to settle, or you can just not deal with this population. So where this gets rough is figuring out how do you show your longevity and not just talk about staying. This for me was Buying in, the conflict with this now for me, is that it increases my expenses, and consumes time in maintenance. I know that I could probably live free at a family’s house but that is a tough find, and its too late. Buying in has also been great because it just gives one a little more clout to push for city, and educational reform.
So if trust building is somewhat my goal at the moment, and what stresses me out at the moment is my work, and school. If either of those start to impact the quality of my life and breaks down relational trust with my neighbors I get stressed and get headaches and shut down. Then I am removed from the vision God has given me and try to figure out what’s wrong so that I can correct it. I remember talking to a friend the other day, in which we came to a conclusion that money buys time, and that allows us to make wiser decisions. Right now I feel like I am in an emergency mode, with limited resources, and I am scared that I will soon start to make bad and unwise decisions.


Taking one for the team. The past couple of weeks have also been tough because I have sacrificed my private space to share, with a previous student of mine that was pretty much homeless. It has been tough, to want to just listen to him when I have 500 things to do, and it has been hard to find peace and quiet.

Pray that I can sort out the junk thats in my brain and stressing me out right now. So that I can be effectively used by God. Pray for my student that he may come to know and trust in Christ, and that my roomates and I can be good witnesses of the faith.



and for Chris Westbrook, writing this makes me think of you and how we would always do ministry and talk about doing ministry for free. Stay strong, and I hope to get to worship with you soon sir.



enough venting and writing time to read...

Forgot a big need.

I need time, space, and place to rest, recharge, and get away from everything for a day, or two, or weeks . This is tough when finances are already tapped out, I already barely spend money on food. So this is something ultra hard for me to accomplish that is very much needed.
Yes you can offer a place to stay, the kicker now is how the heck do I get there, and will I go hungry?

I heard today that probably about 90% of the people that I work with or are in regular contact with deal with PTSD. That means they are going to be uber draining on me emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. I also just need times of refreshment and to be reminded of life that others live.

Help me have sabbaticals.

Thanks,
Michael Wong

Admitting Need! I need HELP!

I know that I have always struggled with doing too much, and creating stress and things to do for myself. I know many of you reading this know this, and some of you know that this is pretty normal and that it will somewhat always be apart of me.

I must admit that yes, this is very much apart of my lifestyle and probably is favored by my innovative and creative technical brain. There is a big flaw in the way I operate. The flaw is that I get easily overloaded and pretty high strung and stressed at times. This issue I know eventually will probably blow up in my face and destroy any sense of respect that people may have for me. I do not want that to happen, but I also know that God is redemptive and can dish out some amazing corrections.

I don’t think that it is within Christendom, for it to blow up. So, I am putting it out there for you to step up to the plate and help out. I think that the reason I often do too much is probably because I don’t know how to communicate the need or task well enough, or that people are not committed enough to actually help and get the job/ministry done well, concise, and holistically.

I know that I need less on my plate, unfortunately I have a lot on my plate because I have financial needs, and ideas that need to be developed for met to carry out God’s vision.

Where it hurts is the game of “getting the church to buy in.” I don’t like wasting time or resources or playing traditional business games. I don’t necessarily want to get big, and be heard about all over the place. I think that there is probably a fair chance that my life will be pretty big, but hopefully it will be just because I am doing something that is innovative in how we become the hands and feet of Christ.

Some of you are settling for a very boring or complacent life, and that may be because you aren’t doing anything! your plate has some room, and your not excited because you ate all that was the best thing on it. You want a bit more but its scary for you to get up and go get it.



Some Ideas of How to meet Needs....


For you Thinkers, Intellectuals, Suburbanites, and Everyone else:
        How can we empower the inner city/urban poor. Many wealthier churches/people often come to serve places like my neighborhood. How can you give us the chance to serve? How can they afford it? It is much easier for us to be the receivers, and for you to be the givers. How can we get to be empowered to give/serve?

Use your gifts and some ideas I have:
        You all have gifts, figure out what they are, and lets find out how they can help out. I know I cannot take on anything else, and need you to fill up some of your empty space on your plate!

*Businessmen/ women investors: I would love to develop a coffee shop/ washeteria (laundry mat)/ community info/tutoring center.

*Lawyers, Accountants, Real Estate, Grant writers: I know that I need you! I know there’s going to be issues with acquisition of properties, running businesses, and how to fund these thoughts. I know I will need a business license, and navigating to become a non-profit and what not.

* Businessmen/women, Builders, Contractors, Electricians, Carpenters people with trade skills: I dream of a transitional housing/rental homes in which people pay lower rent, and have special savings accounts that are dedicated toward them purchasing homes and teaching financial literacy.
        *There’s a house I have the tax deed on, and want to renovate and turn into housing.
        *There’s always odd jobs that people need help with in the neighborhood.
        *The underside of my house is not insulated, if anyone would like to spray foam up under the house that would be amazing. I know I can get Crossroads Missions to spray for $1.30 a sq.ft. which the footprint of my house is about 900-1000 sq.ft.

*Businessmen/Women: consider figuring out how to create a business mentorship program, to not just employ neighbors, but to mentor them in faith and build their skills and resumes at the same time.

*Photographers,Grant Writers, and Organizers, Artists this is you! - I want to host an Night time in the Inner City: Family Portrait night. I think that many have probably not had the chance to get family portraits done, nor have there probably been artistic/creative family portrait shots created. So I would love to organize a big family portrait event.

*Outdoorsy Folks- Many of these children and youth get to see mountains but never get to experience them. Lets get them out, don’t forget the gear. If any one has any connections to good gear lets get some, and take them out. There’s a lot of confidence and leadership building that can happen when your in God’s great creation and existing in a different environment

Move in:
        come join in the neighborhood, and be another consistent believer before us. The consistency in joy and faith in Christ sets a beautiful standard that is not often seen. Help paint the picture of the fullness of life. I also just need help organizing/thinking/setting up. I want to do after school tutoring, but I cant be at my house enough, and my jobs steal away from me wanting to interact with anyone.

Our first Ride & $5 for all

So the past couple of weeks have been really tough for me, with school starting, and jobs picking up. It is just an odd time of transition and trust in Christ for His provision in my needs of life. There are many amazing and great opportunities to share the love of and hope in Christ.

I am not sure if i talked about this yet, but I got a new car a couple of weeks ago. It is has been a blessing, and a very interesting thing to interact with. I know that this maybe a big red flag to many of you because, I always talk about tight finances, and here I now have a new car. It has totally been Christ lining things up for me so that things can happen in the neighborhood. When I first started to look at purchasing my house, I got accepted into a special savings program with the United Way in which they matched me $4 to every $1 dollar. I could save up to $1,000 and it had to stay in for 6 months and had to go toward a certified used or new car purchase. The time had run out on me saving in the program, and I decided that I should use it sooner than later because funding could or would run out. So I purchased a new Mazda 3. It has been an interesting time in venturing into learning the car buying and ownership world. The car puts a new burden/implication on my income needs, but it creates a great opportunity in serving my neighbors, and the kids in the neighborhood. When I first got the car, my kids in the neighborhood talked really loud about it, almost in a boasting fashion. I pulled them aside to talk about the car, and what it is for and it was an amazing discussion. We talked about how now we can all goto places together, and take trips to go, camping, swimming and all sorts of other places. They come up with some other awesome places to go as well. They also understood the concept behind not talking about it boastfully, or flashing around the car, so that we can make sure that it stays in decent shape and that I wont have to waste money on un-neccessary things. The car was just as much for them as it is for me. It was a beautiful time...

Our first ride together was for a lunch gathering at Middendorfs with Sojourn-Lakeview Church. Middendorfs is about an hour away from New Orleans, but is a great place for fried catfish. I picked up Stephen, Roger, and Anthony from around the neighborhood, and we obviously ran late. Then we convened with the church folks and headed out. The lunch experience was great, I only wish I could have not felt the squeeze of my budget. Things like this though are great, because I get to dialogue with them about getting soda, dessert, and money requirements. It hurts me that I can’t give them those things sometimes, but I think they understand why and still hang out with me regardless which is awesome.

I killed my budget for the month, because I paid for insurance all at once, and also had to pay for tuition this semester. It will be fun trying to recuperate over the next few months, in the midst of trying to find a way to now work my regular job for income, so that I can actually do ministry well, and not freak out all the time.

God’s Providence is good though, I received some dry food from friends last week, and today I received some meat. This month just seems to be a big test on me being faithful in giving and receiving. I had purchased a bus ticket from one of my students the other day, and now he is crashing on my couch. I made dinner with donated food last night: pasta with spaghetti sauce and red beans. My friend could only stomach a hand full of bites, and desired some meat. Today I was given some meat! So thats amazing, and so it will be awesome to share with him about God’s provision.

I also received a $5 check the other day in the mail. I am pretty excited to see what the kids in the neighborhood can dream up to spend it on. Maybe themselves, or food for dinner, or to get something for someone else. We’ll see what they want to do.

Dinner for 2 please

Sometimes I just get tired of what I am doing and want to just settle for a comfy life working the standard american dream. My brain and my heart is hurting at the moment for just an ounce of support other than just mere words. It has recently been really tough trying to do ministry in the neighborhood because I have to work like crazy, and study, and make ends meet. I know that I probably make close to the average income for my neighborhood, which is not a whole lot.

The other day when I went and worked out at the school I weighed in at 135 lbs. Which isn’t a whole lot for being 5ft 10in. I was quite stunned, because I have weighed 145lbs since 8th grade. This peaked my interest, and made me think about what I eat, how often, and what I want to eat. I usually eat at home, because its the cheapest thing to do. I try to eat a variety, but the cheapest things are usually forms of starches and fiber.

This month I am starting to have to be ridiculously tight on my budget, and cannot spend a whole lot of money at all, because of car payment, car insurance, taxes, health insurance, tuition. My budget has been destroyed for the month. So it looks like every meal will have to come out of my cupboard of mysterious foods I have left in there.

I am not sure if I have any problem with this, well yes I do. It’s makes me sad because I have neighborhood kids that come and hang out and have dinner and I can’t feed them well. It’s also tough because I want to take them places that they haven’t experienced, like to the mountains, museums, and parks. Anthony asked me the other day when we were going to get Chinese food again, and I can’t tell him when. After our first time out, he learned how to use chopsticks. He now eats with them almost every time he eats at the house, its beautiful.

It also gets tough when I hear of people talking about different restaurants and their greatness. I just get sad, because I can’t relate. It’s tough for me to justify feeding myself for one meal, when I can feed 2 more kids if I cooked.

Unexpected Surprises

Well today has been quite an interesting and surprising day. The day started off normal and as expected with painting a mural for school. There’s always the big scramble to get the job done. It was finished and it turned out great.

When I got home, I was washing my truck and a neighbor that I had met 2 months prior stopped by and asked me to teach him more about the bible! That is not something that happens too often.

I started to make my simple dinner, cheese, eggs and some toast. I busted the first egg open, and there were 2 yolks in it! I was quite shocked and amazed. Yes, I questioned if it was something I should eat. As I was elated over the double up on yolks, I hear loud footsteps up to my door. A few hard knocks on the glass, and i scurry to the door as i knew it was going to be one of my neighbors. I opened the door, and hear a loud grunt of “here mike!” in a loud raspy voice. A deep pot roast pan was shoved into my hands. In the pan laid a fresh out of the water Sheephead fish. I told Turk, thanks, and he scurried back across the street.

I packaged up the fish and put it in the freezer and then proceeded to make my egg and toast dinner.

Heart issues

In Matthew 15 Jesus is asked questions about traditions, and what makes a person bad. Jesus makes a statement that “What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, witness, slander. These are what defile a person.”

It is interesting to really take this passage in the context of Jesus’s time. Jewish tradition is pretty strong, and I imagine that back in those days not many would break rank from the standards set. This is much like American Culture today. That we often want to fit in, who doesnt? We set up traditions, that help us unify, and establish a normal standard. Churches do this too. Tradition is often a place of identity for many of us, but it isn’t always a place that relates well to the messiness of life.

We all know that life is a bit crazy, and that we all have pretty jacked up parts of who we are. These parts of our lives are not friendly to traditions. What is friendly to traditions, is buying into accepting thoughts that are not necessarily from your own internal development, but just accepted thoughts because we want to buy into the system and have a little comfort and credibility.

All I can think about now is the bar scene, and how awkwardly, and ridiculously many guys try to pick up girls or get their phone numbers. This odd social phenomenon to me is a classic case of people buying into the wrong set of tradition. The culture that this practice is derived from breeds from within mostly packs of males conjuring up what they think women want. I don’t know about you but why would I try to learn about women from a middle man, and not the source? The sad thing is though that some of you ladies give in, and settle for something less than what you actually deserve.

So back to the text. I have mostly talked about traditions, and things that we buy into without really questioning. Sometimes we accept a tradition and have actions or lingo that may contradict what we actually can articulate a belief. Some of us say that we have no fear. What about the times when you are afraid to talk to the gay or lesbian person that is sitting next to you staring at you? What about that man that looks grungy, and possibly homeless? What about that person that you’re not interested in, but they may be interested in you? What are your adjectives that you use to describe them? Do you make sounds of disgust? These are all notions of the heart that speak about your true character.

I catch myself all the time, getting disgruntled or frustrated with the rich, with authority, and even with some of my neighbors. I miss out on the opportunity to see the beauty that God has actually placed in everyone. I fail miserably throughout the day in the way words come out of my mouth. May I recognize, and be mindful of the expressions I use and the condition of my heart toward all of God’s creation that Christ has called us to love and bring hope to. May I break through traditions and established norms, and follow The Way of Christ in Loving His People.

Heartbreak Road.

Well I rarely ever write twice in a day. The past few days have been odd because I have just been asked a lot of questions about what people think, or what they are doing. It is a blessing that people trust me and can confide in me. Tonight outside of a bar a man came up to me and told me his name and shook my hand. He told me,“ You just have a good aura, you can tell there’s just something there.” This was quite intriguing. I just wonder now what made me stand out, or what that was about. I made sure that I analyzed the way he was looking at me. I questioned internally whether he was gay, and came to the conclusion that he was not hitting on me, and that he truly just saw something in me. Maybe the love of Jesus just exudes.


I was also asked about what I thought of Shane Claiborne, and a lot of the issues within Irresistible Revolution. A lot of people get pissed off reading that book because it definitely goes against american consumerism to the Nth degree and challenges many people to give up things that they are not willing to part with. I think there is a balance between it all, that the poor and the wealthy are both needed, and I think that Shane would really like for us to just be mindful of the poor and oppressed since we are the wealthiest nation in the world. Who are we really if we do not attempt to share the wealth, most of the time we dont even think about that.
While I was driving, i thought of that question, and thought about what the heart of the matter is really about. I came to a conclusion that ultimately we need to truly be willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the cause of Christ if we really believe that He is our ultimate provider. I believe that I trust and know God at a higher level, because of my abandonment of comfortable things while Cycling across the state, and being willing to move to a scary neighborhood, that is not surrounded by much of what I naturally loved which are still Mountains, Snow, Cold Weather, and Rocks to Climb. So if you were to write down your favorite thing in the world, would you be willing to give that up? are you a true giver of life to the point of where it actually hurts?

Will you exchange your car for a hurting heart? My heart just thrives to see others awakened to finding life with purpose and meaning that is holistic. I believe it is only through Christ that this can happen. It has been a joy to see friends really begin to understand and come alive over the years. It is also really hard at times when people are hurting and are doing really bad, in turn I hurt and my brain gets disheveled and hurts as well. I also almost just hurt all the time because I see a great sleeper in everyone, and it often takes something terrible to wake them up. I see big dreams in people, and then they fail in a little way, and retreat back to something comfortable. They go back to sleep in accepting the standards of American Culture. Its funny how people dream of being someone like Martin Luther King, or Ghandi, or some other big figure, but many do not act anything like these people and expect to get there. The people that leave a mark on the world are not rule followers, but rule breakers, they challenge the traditional norm.
Some of you reading this, may think you are the Bomb Dot Com, because you think you are a rule breaker. You may actually be a Zero because you follow the crowd of normal individuals within your own sphere.
Preppies buying into The North Face clothing which actually isn’t that great of gear. High Schoolers, and College Kids think that alcohol is necessary to have fun. That is all a LIE! Those are normal things and it doesnt make you special!
Girls, you should never settle for having sex, making out, or having to dress skimpy to meet the man of your dreams. Guys you should not think that you have to have the nicest of everything to win a girls heart.

People that are often the greatest leaders often are outliers with unique abilities

ok i am done ranting, now i need to try and sleeep

The power of NO

Well today and yesterday, friday, have been interesting. I’ve had my doorbell rung about 5 times, and had multiple kids walk up to my door and knock about 10 times. Each time I was a neighborhood child asking “can I come in and hang out?”
        “NO, you can’t I am sorry. When did I tell you that you can begin coming back to the house?”
        “Ummmmm.....”
        “Sunday. Do you remember why?”
        “Yeah, it’s just me though not everyone else.”
        “Well remember all of you need to start working together as a team, and help each other so that you can hang out here. You can’t come over today, but you can try again tomorrow afternoon if I am home.”
        “Okay... See ya mister Mike.
        “See ya, have a good day, try again tomorrow.”

On Thursday, I cooked dinner for some of my neighborhood kids. It was rice, and a chinese broccoli, guylan. They actually liked it and ate most of it. I was greatly impressed and was super excited about eating dinner with them. When we were almost done, things started to fall apart. Some more neighborhood kids came over to the house, and they started running around and hiding. This made me uncomfortable, and the kids know they shouldn’t act this way around the house. This kind of activity results in everyone going home for the day. They continued to play around a little bit, resulting in them not being allowed back until Sunday.

So friday and today have been interesting in dealing with the kids. I am glad that they still so want to come over and hang out. I am trying to instill an idea of discipline and self control to their lives. It is tough to turn them away when they look so lonely coming over by themselves. I know that if I just gave in, it would almost be like everyone else in their lives that are pushovers, and may never develop self control. It is almost like when I had my first dog and was learning about how to train dogs. I know that many of my friends fall prey to my dogs cute little face and allow her to jump up on them, or let her out of the cage when she whines. It takes everyone to play their part to help train my dog, I almost think its the same way for kids. I hope that I represent good parenting skills for the neighborhood, but I don’t believe that the community as a whole does. That makes it even tougher to help the children of the hood learn well.

How do you begin a holistic approach to helping the children in the neighborhood?
Community Development- which is way too much to describe, and hard to figure out.

Adopt the Hood

        So, I have never been one to love fundraising, nor one to ask for help unless necessary. It is quite odd for me to have recently really come to grips with the fact that I really need help now, and that ministry here has grown into something that needs more of my time. It has been tough lately working then teaching art or going to school, and finally to arrive at home with atleast one neighborhood kid that wants to hang out.
        I find myself not spending as much time outside my house, and in the neighborhood as much. This is probably due to the intense nature of my line of work, as well as just needing quiet, and decompression time to myself. I love the 6 kids that often come to hang out at the house, and wish I had the energy to spend time with them. We often cook a crazy meal that I have schemed up, and I make them eat their veggies. It is awesome to get to expose them to new foods, and to take them to different places. I need and want to begin to really engage their families as well, but I don’t currently have the energy or time to do that properly. So I am attempting to reach out to the church, friends, and family, to help me tell the stories of my neighborhood and how Christ is creating positive social change.
        I am going to start sending out stories, newsletters, and tidbits of what is happening in the neighborhood so that you know what is going on, and that I can be your connection to the most dangerous neighborhood in the nation. You can be apart of the story of God’s sovereignty and restoration in this neighborhood by being engaged through prayer, experience, finances and conversation. I am on a mission to think innovatively about how the church can truly help us as the neighborhood, and reestablish opportunity for jubilee with the residents in Central City. Will you help? More info on the neighborhood at www.Refugenola.org

Peace outside, and don’t break your New Years resolutions..... just trying to hold you accountable
~michael

                

This is a New Year

Well, today is the first of the year. It was pretty amazing to have the day off and get projects done around the house. I figured I should take a moment to reflect upon this year and notate what has happened this year. In 2008, I bought my amazing house in Central City. I was featured in Sundance Channel’s: Architecture School, and Ordinary Radicals. I also spoke at a meet and greet with Eddie Izzard after one of his shows. I started Seminary at NOBTS. And I turned 25.

This year has been interesting, God has blessed me with creating some ridiculous events this year, even in the midst of my failures and frailties. I thank Jesus for the grace given to me when I think I can do things on my own. There is no way i could have orchestrated the events that allowed me to purchase my house, and to be able to tell the stories of my life with my great neighbors.

Final Remarks for 2009 : Have peace, do not be afraid!

In John 14:27 Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I believe we are often afraid of what lies ahead, or that we may be afraid of parts of our past. We may be afraid of people, our sins, our neighbors, sinners. We are to not be afraid, but to rest in the peace of Christ. To rest in His arm in the messiness of the crazy world that we live in. We should not be afraid of people that drink, smoke, dance, do drugs, deal drugs, cussing people, black people, white people, cops, terrorists, or the overly happy neighbor. We should have peace in Christ that we do not fear death, awkwardness, or hatred. The love of Christ can overpower death and destruction, that though my body may die, my thoughts, ideas, and soul will carry on through the minds of others.

It has been profound this year living in my neighborhood, because I came to grips with accepting death. When my life was threatened I felt pure joy, in being ok with dying for the sake of my neighborhood. It was so joyful because I knew that if i happened to die, that it would cause quite a big uproar locally, as well as nationally. That my life and ideas that Christ gave me would not die alongside my physical death. That was a momentous realization.

May peace be with you before death.

Do not wait another year to begin living the life where your passion meets God’s calling!