Tent maker or Failure

The past few weeks have been tough for me emotionally, physically and spiritually. I the tensions within my heart are hard to put words to. I believe I am most likely suffering from relief fatigue as well as being in an emergency mindset.

These are just not good conditions to be going through school with, nor wanting to interact with anyone. My stress level is pretty high, and my heart feels pretty deep in pain and conflict between finances, work, study, ministry.

I am just pretty broken at the moment and wonder why the heck God has called me to be the hands and feet, and to have the dream and vision that I have. Right now I am just frustrated at my inability to create stability for my life, and wonder how the Apostles dealt with their lives. I have a fair degree of entrepreneurship but find it still ridiculously hard to balance this work, ministry, time problem. It still boggles me a bit when I think of Paul and how he supported himself in proclaiming the gospel of Christ.

        “Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ.” 1 Cor 9:12

Paul makes this statement in part of the defense of his ministry. I think it’s quite beautiful and hopeful, yet probably filled with a lot of pain an agony within. The mention of a “right” in this is referring to Paul stating that it is ok for the Apostles and teachers to reap material things. I can almost feel frustration in having to defend himself and his ministry. I wonder what Paul’s life was like leading up to himself doing ministry, and what business was like for him to be able to continue in ministry and work. The latter part of this verse makes me want to scream, and shake people. I have not often been one to see a need or a vision that Christ has given me and waited on someone or something else as a prerequisite to going and doing. I have pretty much tried to work my tail off in order to proclaim the Gospel, and I don’t want to be a burden to the church as a whole. If I don’t create my own secular means of income, that means someone else could be put in more of a hurting position. I do not want to become a burden to someone else, and I could see that toil and labor was an obstacle that Paul was willing to endure.

"With toil and labor, we worked night and day that we might not burden any of you, and to give you an example to follow" (2 Thess. 3:8)

It has been interesting, how easily the American Christianity mindset can consume my brain. I believe in lies that I am almost entitled to, or should be receiving support in order to do ministry. I have also fallen to the lie in belief that for me to be successful I should be supported by other churches. The part of this that has the ugly head is that I can get easily jealous of people/places that receive, or have abundance of resources. What makes me jealous it that there are often many entities that receive funding, that mostly just goes straight into paying salaries.

Either way I am glad to have rediscovered the ministry of Paul, and it is possible that I can endure through this. I guess God wants me to also operate much like Paul and expose such issues like this within the church.

What makes Tent Making hard in America. In my local neighborhood context, no one trusts anyone. Especially if they are new, and if they are obviously going to be transient. New Orleans has become a giant transient and non committal city. This is probably typical in places post natural disasters, and probably in many 3rd world areas. This culture is created by people only coming to a place and only thinking of being there for a year or two. Thats just enough time for the newbies to build relationships, and get to know people and then rip them apart by leaving. Yes we supposedly live in a time where there is technology to help with connectedness, but that is purely from a American Dream mindset. Phone calls, e-mails, myspace, facebook messages are nothing like real interaction, nor consistent interaction. In Urban America, and from being within the school systems i have seen many kids move and get uprooted, and I know that there are some that many move to a different house once a year. This idea is also well represented in Apartment life and culture, how often do you move if you are an apartment dweller? Each time there is a move it results in more broken relationships. When this is combined with bad family life that could be falling apart, trust within oneself toward others is severely broken. There’s not much Trust even within the family.

If you can image the gap of trust that needs to be bridged here, it is humongous. You have to prove that you are there, and there to stay. This is terrible for us twenty-somethings because this means that you must find your home to settle, or you can just not deal with this population. So where this gets rough is figuring out how do you show your longevity and not just talk about staying. This for me was Buying in, the conflict with this now for me, is that it increases my expenses, and consumes time in maintenance. I know that I could probably live free at a family’s house but that is a tough find, and its too late. Buying in has also been great because it just gives one a little more clout to push for city, and educational reform.
So if trust building is somewhat my goal at the moment, and what stresses me out at the moment is my work, and school. If either of those start to impact the quality of my life and breaks down relational trust with my neighbors I get stressed and get headaches and shut down. Then I am removed from the vision God has given me and try to figure out what’s wrong so that I can correct it. I remember talking to a friend the other day, in which we came to a conclusion that money buys time, and that allows us to make wiser decisions. Right now I feel like I am in an emergency mode, with limited resources, and I am scared that I will soon start to make bad and unwise decisions.


Taking one for the team. The past couple of weeks have also been tough because I have sacrificed my private space to share, with a previous student of mine that was pretty much homeless. It has been tough, to want to just listen to him when I have 500 things to do, and it has been hard to find peace and quiet.

Pray that I can sort out the junk thats in my brain and stressing me out right now. So that I can be effectively used by God. Pray for my student that he may come to know and trust in Christ, and that my roomates and I can be good witnesses of the faith.



and for Chris Westbrook, writing this makes me think of you and how we would always do ministry and talk about doing ministry for free. Stay strong, and I hope to get to worship with you soon sir.



enough venting and writing time to read...

Forgot a big need.

I need time, space, and place to rest, recharge, and get away from everything for a day, or two, or weeks . This is tough when finances are already tapped out, I already barely spend money on food. So this is something ultra hard for me to accomplish that is very much needed.
Yes you can offer a place to stay, the kicker now is how the heck do I get there, and will I go hungry?

I heard today that probably about 90% of the people that I work with or are in regular contact with deal with PTSD. That means they are going to be uber draining on me emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. I also just need times of refreshment and to be reminded of life that others live.

Help me have sabbaticals.

Thanks,
Michael Wong

Admitting Need! I need HELP!

I know that I have always struggled with doing too much, and creating stress and things to do for myself. I know many of you reading this know this, and some of you know that this is pretty normal and that it will somewhat always be apart of me.

I must admit that yes, this is very much apart of my lifestyle and probably is favored by my innovative and creative technical brain. There is a big flaw in the way I operate. The flaw is that I get easily overloaded and pretty high strung and stressed at times. This issue I know eventually will probably blow up in my face and destroy any sense of respect that people may have for me. I do not want that to happen, but I also know that God is redemptive and can dish out some amazing corrections.

I don’t think that it is within Christendom, for it to blow up. So, I am putting it out there for you to step up to the plate and help out. I think that the reason I often do too much is probably because I don’t know how to communicate the need or task well enough, or that people are not committed enough to actually help and get the job/ministry done well, concise, and holistically.

I know that I need less on my plate, unfortunately I have a lot on my plate because I have financial needs, and ideas that need to be developed for met to carry out God’s vision.

Where it hurts is the game of “getting the church to buy in.” I don’t like wasting time or resources or playing traditional business games. I don’t necessarily want to get big, and be heard about all over the place. I think that there is probably a fair chance that my life will be pretty big, but hopefully it will be just because I am doing something that is innovative in how we become the hands and feet of Christ.

Some of you are settling for a very boring or complacent life, and that may be because you aren’t doing anything! your plate has some room, and your not excited because you ate all that was the best thing on it. You want a bit more but its scary for you to get up and go get it.



Some Ideas of How to meet Needs....


For you Thinkers, Intellectuals, Suburbanites, and Everyone else:
        How can we empower the inner city/urban poor. Many wealthier churches/people often come to serve places like my neighborhood. How can you give us the chance to serve? How can they afford it? It is much easier for us to be the receivers, and for you to be the givers. How can we get to be empowered to give/serve?

Use your gifts and some ideas I have:
        You all have gifts, figure out what they are, and lets find out how they can help out. I know I cannot take on anything else, and need you to fill up some of your empty space on your plate!

*Businessmen/ women investors: I would love to develop a coffee shop/ washeteria (laundry mat)/ community info/tutoring center.

*Lawyers, Accountants, Real Estate, Grant writers: I know that I need you! I know there’s going to be issues with acquisition of properties, running businesses, and how to fund these thoughts. I know I will need a business license, and navigating to become a non-profit and what not.

* Businessmen/women, Builders, Contractors, Electricians, Carpenters people with trade skills: I dream of a transitional housing/rental homes in which people pay lower rent, and have special savings accounts that are dedicated toward them purchasing homes and teaching financial literacy.
        *There’s a house I have the tax deed on, and want to renovate and turn into housing.
        *There’s always odd jobs that people need help with in the neighborhood.
        *The underside of my house is not insulated, if anyone would like to spray foam up under the house that would be amazing. I know I can get Crossroads Missions to spray for $1.30 a sq.ft. which the footprint of my house is about 900-1000 sq.ft.

*Businessmen/Women: consider figuring out how to create a business mentorship program, to not just employ neighbors, but to mentor them in faith and build their skills and resumes at the same time.

*Photographers,Grant Writers, and Organizers, Artists this is you! - I want to host an Night time in the Inner City: Family Portrait night. I think that many have probably not had the chance to get family portraits done, nor have there probably been artistic/creative family portrait shots created. So I would love to organize a big family portrait event.

*Outdoorsy Folks- Many of these children and youth get to see mountains but never get to experience them. Lets get them out, don’t forget the gear. If any one has any connections to good gear lets get some, and take them out. There’s a lot of confidence and leadership building that can happen when your in God’s great creation and existing in a different environment

Move in:
        come join in the neighborhood, and be another consistent believer before us. The consistency in joy and faith in Christ sets a beautiful standard that is not often seen. Help paint the picture of the fullness of life. I also just need help organizing/thinking/setting up. I want to do after school tutoring, but I cant be at my house enough, and my jobs steal away from me wanting to interact with anyone.